thankyou for your answer
xxWas this bad advice for a counsellor to give?
Wow I would definitely suggest you get a different counsellorWas this bad advice for a counsellor to give?
Okay, judging by the way you worded this question, you think the counselor should have told you to stop. Maybe you were hoping after what you told her she would try to convince you that cutting is bad and you need help. She basically contradicted everything you were EXPECTING to hear. Things that you already know.
Sounds like reverse-psychology.
She probably heard something in your conversion that made her think you hurt yourself for attention and didn't want to give you that satisfaction. It's obvious that her ignoring your behavior got you to think (and write) about how cutting isn't okay, even though you already know it. Hearing it's ';common'; for people to hurt themselves doesn't make you the only victim. Is that what you didn't want to hear?
If you ARE cutting for attention and not because you have a mental disorder or have been seriously traumatized, I'd tell you to at least clean up your mess too.
If you do have a mental disorder or have been seriously traumatized, please see a psychologist- not a counselor. The best a councilor can do is refer you to a psychologist. Find one! And quit cutting- you know there's a better way to deal.
wow lucky, i wish someone would tell me that! just kidding. no thats messed up. i mean shes right that youll only stop when you WANT to, but thats messed up. find a new doc
well first off, sometimes counselors just suck. They're people too and sometimes like some people they're pretty bad. I know one personally that had a shotgun in her mouth in front of her kids. But yet shes a child counselor. And this lady doesn't sound particularly all that great. If the self harm is really just mild things like cutting then of course it isn't really a horrible thing because cuts on you don't really affect your physical well being at all. But any counselor should know that its a call for psychological attention and that there are other problems behind it, so yes she should have been trying to find those problems and work them out with you. I would suggest finding a different counselor as there are lots of ways to heal the psyche behind a masochistic complex.
ya thats total bad advice, shes horrible
I don't necessarily think that's bad advice, actually. Legally she's not in a position to make you feel uncomfortable in any way and if it's possible suggesting or attempting to force you to cease something of which you have no intention, then she's unlikely to.
Ultimately, she's looking out for your health and well-being and she's there to talk to, if she's only a therapist / counsellor, she's technically not obliged to give you the third degree in terms of psychological analysis, that's left to both clinical psychologists and psychiatrists.
ok this is a bad counsellor! i have counselling and so i know this is not right. some counsellors are better at dealing with some problems better than others but this was rubbish guidance. Try to get in with a different counsellor. Lots of people have to try a couple because they dont like or feel comfortable with one or cos they are not very good. You go to them for help and to understand yourself. A counsellor should talk through it with you, ask you why you do it and get you to question yourself and your behaviour. She should help you think of strategies that may assist you in stoping this self harm.
One suggestion i would like to make for you sweetie is in the meantime when you feel the need to harm yourself see if you can do it to a pillow or other material instead. Get material to rip/cut up. You may find that once you have let out some energy and the need for release has been met in another way the feeling that makes u want to hurt urself subsides. please try it it may help cut down how often you do it.
Make sure you find a new counsellor
Take care xx
Yeah that is a little weird.
However my counselor said the same thing about keeping them clean. I think she figures that since she's probably not going to magically make you stop, then she might as well help you be safe in the meantime. It seems like she would try to play it down in order to not make you feel like there is something totally wrong with you, causing you to turn to more extreme measures.
yeah thats ****** up. for sure tell someone about it or go see another counselor.
whenever i think abt ppl cutting themselves i think about the casual friday episode on the office now. when michael goes ';do i think they should be slitting their wrists for me?? NO id like a microscopic version of that.'; his smirk is priceless. oh michael scott.
im sorry that was rude and unhelpful. wasnt it?
It IS a problem, but my therapist told me the same thing. She was most likely trying to reassure you that you aren't alone in suffering this way. As for keeping the cuts clean, that is smart advice because she knows just telling you to stop would not be realistic. You can't stop cutting unless you find other ways to cope with your depression/anger/anxiety; in other words, you can't stop until you're ready. Talk more without about ways to distract yourself from your need to cut or ask her more about your psychological motivations. I'm betting she did take your confession seriously; if you're a minor then your parents know by now (if they didn't already). I was confused by my therapist's reaction at first as well, but you should remember that they have seen this behavior several times over their careers. Good luck with your recovery =]
wtf? no way. you know you should get help for this and thats way good of you to go in the first place (Y) NO way should they be saying that? tell someone, whata dick. x
Well, maybe you took it in slightly the wrong way. I know from experience that when you try to stop 'cold turkey' as they say, you can just end up going back and harming yourself worse than you did before. Plus, there's no way you're going to stop if you don't want to yourself because once you've got to that point, you're already half way there. You should confront your counsellor about this and she'll probably apologise and tell you what she meant in detail. She is taking you seriously - that's what they're there to do. Plus, you're there for a serious reason and she knows that - people don't get sent to counsellors for nothing and she won't judge you. Don't take her comments to heart. Hope this helps.
~xoxox
You have a very good counsellor. Forget the air-heads above,they're thinking like spoilt 12-year-olds. Immature. She was just trying to keep things smooth,that's all. As a counsellor she has to develop a trusting relationship with you and she won't do that too well by moaning and critisizing. She also will feel that being too critical will just get you more upset and so lead to more self-harm.....entirely not what the interview should achieve,eh? Oil on troubled waters was what she was doing. Keep everything calm and smooth. Good thing too. She can't get everything done in one interview and she won't want to put you off from having another interview,so she can't be too critical......she suggested some ways to help and that's lovely. What she can't do is muck everything up before it gets anywhere. So be kind to her...she's being kind to you. Far from being the bad counsellor the others up there are saying,she's actually very good. Sometimes the best ways look wrong,but after a bit of thought the real story gets more visible...of course if that sort of thinking is beyond people they are never going to get help because they will just see everything in the same way they are used too. Counsellors know that. Some people will never accept advice that would mean changing how they think and will just get more angry and then blame the counsellor....can't do much about that. She's being calm about it. That's pretty good. Some people won't see that,but that's the same problem I've just been on about...You can see it hapenning above here. The first one is more interested in herself by referring you to her question and the next half-dozen blame the counsellor!...Only Tay got it good.......nice one,Tay.....Gotta chuckle sometimes,the way kids think...We all got problems...counsellors get loads of them...probably go to counsellors about it too.....so be nice to yourself,start liking things more...especially you..and that nice counsellor..she's doing ok,being real nice to you.... .summer's comin'...it's too good to waste...Best of luck.....
naw, its not that bad.
my consular said the same thing, and she gave me someways to stop when i'm ready.
wow, that's kinda messed up.
you should mention these to the councelor.
She's obviously not very good at her job if you were telling her you wanted to give up but she was tellling you it was ok to do it, she was not listening to you. You need to get another counsellor.
If you are physically cutting yourself then get to a hospital. Never damage yourself.
Most psychologists entered into the profession in an attempt to understand their own preoccupation with their pain. Many pscyhologists and counsellors use their patients as a way of convincing themselves that they are not as bad as they feel or as a way of projecting their pain onto others. Many pschologists are cruel and torturous because it is a control position over vulnerable people. If you feel that someone is sending you into a maze you are probably right. There is no therapuetic value to feeling confused and offended. Healing should always be gentle and easy. Anything else is poison. Do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
However I think that you found a tremendously valuable piece of information here. The people in your life, the ones around you, have an interest in your pain. So long as you continue to harm yourself you are vulnerable. They are getting a benefit. They are able to obtain control over you.
If you look carefully at the kind of self harm that you are doing and if you follow the thread backwards in time it will lead you to someone who originally harmed you. The perpetrator harmed you so insidiously that the messages implanted so deep into your mind that your mind started to take over the task automatically. You are in danger and the enemy is very near to you. Get very quiet and watch. The people closest to you are not interested in your happiness. They are saying that they are but they are actually enjoying watching and keeping you in pain.
You are very smart because you reached out for help but it is not enough. You are choosing to get help from people who want to profit from your pain even though they appear to be offering you support.
In my opinion you are in a trap. The moment those surrounding you begin to sense that you see the trap they will move in closer. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you try to leave. You are not doing this to yourself. It is being done to you and you do not know it.
Start listening instead of talking. The perpetrators will reveal themselves. You must be very smart and not tell anyone what you are doing. You must become very quiet and watch for the trap. This is how it will appear:
The perpetrators will ALWAYS come as ';do gooders'; and be ';concerned'; for you. They will ALWAYS criticize you. They will reduce the value of everything you say or do to zero. Just look at your counsellor. Your counsellor reduced to zero the value of your insight. Now look at others in your life. Are your contributions to your family or social structure blocked and devalued even though they are amazing contributions or could be. Now see the trap. If everyone tells you that you are bad, or useless, or not competent, or need them to control your life then you will drink that message over and over and over until it pollutes your mind and your mind will start to think the same way. Little by little you have to change this. Start watching others. See what they feed you. If it reduces you it is poison. If it means you should do something you do not want to do it is poison. If it damages your happiness or health it is poison. It can come from ANY SOURCE. It can come from a mother, a priest, a counsellor, a friend, a husband. The only person who will never do this to you is your dog.
If you are physically cutting yourself then you should get yourself to a hospital. You need to stop cutting yourself physically and emotionally and mentally. You deserve good help.
You need to get away from those who are torturing you. No one does this to themselves. It is a learned behaviour.
Here is a wonderful book. It is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. You can buy it from Amazon and it does not cost much at all. Make these four agreements with yourself and you will change your life. Then read True Love by Thich Nhat Hahn.
I imagine some people/counselors get burned out dealing with people who self-harm all the time. Most often, you will not stop cutting anyways. It's like ';beating a dead horse';, or ';one ear and out the other'; kind of thing. People loose sympathy sometimes. I know I get really tired of hearing about ';so and so'; that mutilated their arms because something did not go their way, or because they needed some attention. It gets old after a while. You can't help those who won't help themselves.
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