Do you think ';it's your day, so do what you want'; can be bad advice?

It's fairly ubiquitous on here. But I'm not so sure I love the idea of considering my wedding day to be ';my'; day exclusively. Obviously the bride can't let her future mother-in-law or best friend or whomever boss her around until the wedding has no relationship to the event she imagined. But I think that can be managed without saying ';eff you Granny, I'm not wearing your stupid pearls.';





How do you mediate your own desires for your wedding with being respectful of your guests and the other people involved?Do you think ';it's your day, so do what you want'; can be bad advice?
It irritates the living crap out of me when I hear people say that. In my opinion the CEREMONY is about you and your fiance. The reception is for your family and your guests.





Absolutely, you need to compromise on some things. If you hate pearls, but love your grandmother, then you wear the pearls because it's important to her. I met with a couple on Sunday who told me about a wedding they had been to over the previous weekend. The mother of the groom is from Thailand, and has very garrish tastes. The bride had rented a nicely decorated card box, but her future mother in law still brought in this homemade box that was decorated with Christmas paper and covered in Christmas lights. The bride chose to let it go and enjoy her day. The Christmas card box sat next to the beautiful, elegant box on the gift table all night. I thought it was a great story, because there are a ton of people out there who would have let something like that ruin ';their day';, when it doesn't have to.Do you think ';it's your day, so do what you want'; can be bad advice?
Tradition decrees brides indulge their own desires while being respectful of their guests. Although there is a groom, family and a bunch of friends involved, the focus is always on the bride.





If you want to respect the things like the pearl situation, it can be accommodated by politely suggesting it would mean more to you if you saw her wearing them on your special day so you could see them always in the video or photos. Any situation can be addressed if done with tact.





Good luck, and congratulations!








By the way, the only time it is bad advice to tell someone that ';it's your day, so do what you want'; is if they suggest they are going to commit an illegal, immoral, or indecent act, like suicide or murder.
You can always tell them . . ';I will take your ideas and suggestions into consideration. I just haven't decided what is right or appropriate for OUR wedding yet.';





BAD suggestions or ideas from relatives and/or guests . .


Invite everyone you know to the bridal shower so the Bride can get ';lots of gifts.';


Only put expensive gifts on your bridal registry.


Take the gifts you don't like and return them for CASH.


Make your own bouquets and boutonnieres.


Make your own centerpieces.


Put off paying the caterer, DJ, photographer, and officiant as long as possible.


Don't tell the wedding cake baker the correct number of guests attending, make it about 25 people less (you pay ';by the slice';).


Have a friend hem your wedding gown or make alterations.


It's OK to serve beer in cans at your reception.


Ask all the wedding vendors for a discount in exchange for putting their names and telephone numbers on the ceremony program.


Tell the Bride and Groom's parents ';you can wear anything you want to the wedding.';





Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Your taking the advice to literally. Its your day do what you want is meant to tell you to not be a doormat. To pick your battles carefully and not let someone else run what is you and your fiances wedding. It is your wedding(and his of course) not either of yours mothers, aunts, friends etc.


Do what you want to do but do be considerate of the people that you want to be there. Like if granny wants you to wear her pearls but you have your heart set on a silver cross maybe wear her pearls for the photos or for the rehearsal. Its about sticking to what is really important to you.
The most important quality that your family, and his family needs to respect from you is honesty. I wouldn't let anybody run an event like that for me, when it is traditionally your desicion to make the arrangments. Your input is the most important, and if they can't realize that, then maybe they should step aside, cause the fact is, it IS your day!!
I agree - it would only be 'your' day if you eloped and were the only ones there. As soon as other people are involved it becomes their day as well - maybe not quite as much as it is 'your' day but they are obviously still involved as soon as you invite them! As others have mentioned you just need to be curteous and carefully explain to others that you wish to do things differently than they do - and if you are the ones paying for it and organising it then you have the right to decide what you want to do.
Elizabeths answers was right on.


Yes it is usually bad advice! I really think that, if you are a gracious host and respect your guests from the bottom of your heart, then you will not run into problems with selfish desires.


There are two kinds of people in the Weddings section. Those who want to hear ';do you what you want';, and those who want to be a good host.
You create a totem pole of importantness for you and your fiance and only be the boss or stick to your guns about those things high up on the pole. Let other people have imput about those bottom things. Maybe you and your fiance are pumped about having a great DJ...then don't allow your cousin to insist on ';spitting some rhymes'; at your reception. If you could care less about cake, let your grandmother order some 7-tiered atrocity.....the art of compromise
I think a couple (bride AND groom) should do what they want and compromise when in disagreement. However, if others are helping pay for it then they will need to work with and compromise w/ them too. As far as dumb etiquette rules, well, that's what they are...dumb. The wedding party doesn't have much of a say either.
it's easy, it is done by being gracious and compromise..............and realizing it isn't just 'your day', like you said, it's your mom and dad's day; his mom and dad's day, the grandparents day...it is a day of family being with you and your fiance as you embark on your life adventure.
Be considerate, you can say no politely. My sister is getting married and I've had to tell a lot of our family what she wants or doesn't. If you aren't comfortable telling someone no, ask a relative too.
you can still get your wishes heard without being rude. Just remind them that it is your day and thank them for the offer anyway but you would prefer to do it your way.
Yeah it is, I mean what if you want to kill someone that doesn't mean you should do it.
yes it can be bad advice.......indeed it can.
Depends on the person you give it to.
It's all about compromise, baby...Because the thing is-it's not just the bride's day...nor is it just the bride %26amp; groom's day. It's a very delicate balance that has everything to do with giving everyone involved in wedding planning plenty of elbow room. Because this will really help make (or break!) your relationships with your future family...but it's a great way to start off on a really good foot, if you play your hand right.


First thing to do is figure out a general vision with your groom. That will already cause compromise. Be willing to entertain his ideas, and blend them together into one cohesive vision between you both. Then, figure out your priorities. What are the most important things to you and your groom? What things don't really matter? Those one or two top priorities are the ones you both can stand firm on. But, that being said-be willing to let the others helping you plan have a greater pull in those other decisions that don't matter as much. (For my fiance and I, food and photos were top priorities, so we've let our families have a lot of say in the cake, the decor, the flowers, etc.).


But approach those other details with great sincerity-like asking your mother in law, ';Hey-I'm sort of at a loss for flowers-what kinds do you like?'; or maybe invite both your mom and mother in law along for the cake tasting...so they can have their opinions heard too.


Good luck-it isn't always easy, but compromise is definitely worth it, and it can make wedding planning a lot of fun!
Yes it can be very poor advice. Here are some sample questions where it would be a wrong answer:





';I want to uninvite my aunt because she said something I didn't like. How can I do that?';





';What's the best way to ask for money in my wedding invitations?';





';My maid of honor hasn't dropped her whole life to do my bidding and I'm offended, how do I demote her?';





Questions where ';do what you want'; may be the best option:





';My bridesmaid said she won't wear blue but it's my favorite color and I'm paying for the dress. Should I tell her that it's my choice?';





';My mother is appalled that I want to wear a strapless gown. Should I change my dress style even though I love the one I picked?';





';I really want a candy buffet but my best friend says they're old hat and overdone. Can I still have one?';





While others' sensibilities are important, there is a fine line between indulging in one's own harmless wishes (that harm nobody) and being truly offensive to someone, or a whole group of someones.
I think at the end of the day it is ';your day';. Your elders can give great advice and suggestions, but their ideas can be a bit old fashioned especially this day and age, if you don't want to do what they say, you can politly say '; You know I have always had an idea of what my weeding will be like and I appreciet the adice and ideas abd will take some on board but most of the things I'd like to do my way';. Your saying how you feel without being rude or disrespectful.





I know I would not want to wear hand me downs and if you don't wnat to wear for eg: grannys pearls you can say to her that you will carry them in your purse as a good luck charm but you would prefer to wear (whatever you prefer) as that particular jewlery will match your dress, she will be happy and you will be happy.





Even if she takes ofense.....really you only get married once and you want to be happy with your decision when you look back on the photos you want to say ';oh I wore a beautiful dress and I'm glad I didn't wear nannas old pearls';. Get what I'm saying.





Anyway hope you have a great day on your special day. :)